There’s a moment, about a minute into justice league, where Superman is talking to some kids. It’s easily the funniest moment in the film.
This, it turns out, is kind of awkward, as it’s funny because of dreadful, dreadful CGI.
Yea, I’m going to write some thoughts on Justice league, probably no one will read them but…whatever.
I would warn you of spoilers but BE SPOILED, DON’T SEE THIS FILM.
Justice league is not batman V super bad, but that’s like saying being hit by a car is less bad than being hit by a high speed train. I mean, sure, it’s true but it’s still well below the minimum requirements for a good time.
The plot of the film would barely fill a paragraph and is not a very good version of itself. There are some fun moments, to be sure, but not enough, and most of them are mushed into other scenes that have completely different tones. It is at times painfully easy to see the stitching between Zac Schneider directed and shot scenes and Joss wheaten ones.
Not the least reason for this is because of the awful CG that ruins that first scene. Henry Cavil’s awful CG Moustache removal is actually impressively bad. It’s the kind of CG you’d see in moderate budget stuff from the early 2000s or late 90s; if this CG effect was on something like Buffy it wouldn’t feel out of place.
This is something endemic to the film; the special effects are bad. There’s a shot when they all arrive in definitely not Chernobyl, the hero shot of the team standing before the red sky and it’s just a painfully bad green screen shot. It *genuinely* looks like a cheap photoshop job, and not something in a film someone spent a third of a billion dollars making.
The characters in this film are good bad and worse in the same proportions as in BVS; Cyborg is dull, like Batflek, Aquaman is dreadful and has the worst dialogue, like SuperCav, and the flash is someone who could have a decent solo film.
Although, for fucks sake, can we make it legal to punch every lazy film maker who decides that ‘science character’ needs to always code Neuro-Atypical? It’s lazy and somewhat boring. Yes, we should make Atyp characters – and retype some characters who aren’t always done as atypical – but FFS be a bit creative about it.
Flash has some decent jokes – actually almost every line in the film that is actually deliberately funny is Flash’s – and some amount of chemistry. And a really fucking ugly-ass suit, and special effects almost as good as the TV flash gets for probably a tenth of the budget.
(Seriously, Warner, just flashpoint the films out of existence and put Benoist and Gustin on screen with Gal Godot. Cast someone decent as Batman, have the Martian Manhunter, one or two other interesting supers, make it a little less campy and you would have a MUCH better film series).
Jason Momoa as Aquaman is a revelation. It is unfortunate that the revelation is ‘There are multiple ways to grossly fuck up this character and surfer bro sure is one of them”. He has virtually no dialogue, and what he does have is random snippets from that rick and morty episode in the glitchy VR. “My Man!” “Groovy!” “Yea-aaah”. His two longest sections of dialogue involve mocking Bruce for dressing like a Bat, and…
oh also apparently none of the justice league except diana give even the slightest shits about their secret identity. Batman has a conversation in a crowd of people where he identifies that he, bruce wayne, dresses like a bat and calls himself batman. And also one in front of a criminal he just beat the shit out of where he names Alfred loudly. Also in front of a group of cops someone calls him Bruce, and calls superman Clarke.
I mean I know secret identities are hard but make some god damn effort, film.
Anyway. Cyborg is Sir Plot Device and Token Black Hero all rolled into one. He is a void of dullness, a character who does nothing of note except advance the plot for no interesting reason.
We need to start a fight with superman? His armour just shoots him because reasons. Need to fix the tesser..uh….motherboxes? Sure why not. Need to have a plot hole whereby he has clearly transformed before superman dies and then have him fuck up and say otherwise? Yea, he can do that too.
Basically, Gal Godot is great as wonder woman despite the shit dialogue, dull action and people who don’t understand quite why her film worked. Whatever his name is as the flash has a watchable quality and is worth a second look. The other 4 people in this film are varying degrees of bad, very bad, and have had my face replaced with playdoh.
The other **painfully** obvious problem with the film is that it is at least 3 different films. It’s the intro film for 3 characters – well, 4 really, it’s their first even close to attempt at actual batman- and it’s a grim broody ZS film and a fun light JW film. Also it’s some garbage that various warner execs wanted jammed in.
And they just sort of…happen, sometimes in the same scene, and it’s in general really jarring. It’s painfully obvious where you’ve cut away from a series scene to a “lololol pop culture jokes” wheadon bit.
Also it’s unclear how much input Wheadon had, but if it is a lot he’s really gone downhill in quality. About half the ‘lol japes’ sections are truly dreadful.
The villain suffers pretty badly from these weird cuts, although I can’t imagine he was ever saveable with his face looking like the bad uncanny valley version of a next gen alien; it’s like someone has just stuck modelling clay to someones face, but used CG to do it rather than actual props. His dialogue veers from incomprehensible nonsense to weird creepy Oedapul stuff.
Seriously – the muguffins in the film are the ‘mother boxes’ which he slavishly and lovingly worships. And Zac Scheiders big cool idea for them was that they would be literally the villains mother who got her soul put in boxes that could transform worlds because….reasons.
Also the sound design for this music is mostly pretty bad or at least forgettable. Danny Elfman is ok at best. Failing to make good use of the excellent wonder woman theme is confusing.
And I’d have forgiven *alot* of this film if, in the fight against steppenwolf that the team are getting smashed in until superman turns up and casually wins it, he’d turned up to the John Williams superman theme.
But alas, he does not. (There is I think a brief snippet of that, at exactly the wrong point in the film, and the angry version of it).
And superman *continues* to be the worst thing about these films. He is a total mcguffin – none of the characters are even slightly relevant. He’s a better fighter than wonder woman, faster – much, much faster – than the flash, smarter than batman etc. He even has more personality than Aquaman which, for Henry Cavil, is something of a surprise. Or it would be a surprise if they could shoot him with an upper lip capable of any kind of human emotion.
This film is, for the slow of reading, really bad. Don’t watch it.